Give the Gift of Your Attention
We’ve all been there, right? We signed up for an RPG. The GM has come prepared. The other players at the table seem ready and excited to go. You’ve decided to spend hours of your limited life on this unique experience.
And then, not even ten minutes into the adventure, someone pulls out their phone and glances at it. Or their phone beeps and they immediately look at the text. Or worse, they start scrolling through social media and zone out completely.
I get it. I’ve been that person. There is definitely an addiction there. But I know that my doing so isn’t fair to the GM and to the other players. I don’t want to be that person, yet it still happens.
This came to the forefront of my brain when I read an interview with Daniel A. Cox (Senior Fellow and Director, Survey Center on American Life), who was talking about his concept of “attention infidelity.” As he puts it:
“I wanted to name the experience that we’ve all had at some point – someone we’re talking to over dinner, during a meeting, or taking a walk disappears into their smartphone. They leave us, perhaps only for a moment, but in doing so they undermine a sense of trust and understanding that builds between two people who are sharing an experience. Smartphones and smartwatches equipped with social media are not simply distractions; they reduce our capacity to connect with another person by fracturing our attention. Even if we are physically present, the omnipresent draw to be somewhere else ensures that we are never entirely engaged. A single message, reminder, or notification can yank us away at any moment. This represents such a profound loss, and it has largely gone unnoticed.” [1]
So my request to all of us, especially to myself, is this: try to put your phone away.
I know it is hard. I’m on call at work almost all the time. I might be worried about my family. I’m expecting a repair person to call me back and can’t miss setting up that appointment.
There are even at-table reasons why people would access their phones. To review their character info. To clarify a rule. To show an evocative picture.
Heck, you may even use it like a fidget spinner so you aren’t talking over other people at the table. It is understandable – I knit, so my hands have something to do while we all are playing. But people may perceive phone use differently than dice stacking or doodling during a game, even when it serves the same purpose.
Still, I can see how it is difficult to put your phone completely away.
I am on the U-Con staff, so I am required to have my phone available in case there is an emergency.
Like I said, I get it.
But this year at U-Con, let’s try to minimize that distraction. Give the gift of your presence at the table. Listen to the actions and roleplay of the others at the table, just as you would like them to do for you. Let your GM guide rules clarifications and resist the urge to pull out your phone for an internet search unless they ask for help. Think about what your next action will be when it is your turn, so the game can continue smoothly.
Live in the moment and enjoy it!
You can do it, and I will also try to live up to my ideal.
U-Con will be over much sooner than we’d like. I’d rather look back on all the times I enjoyed the games and being with my friends than think about how I frittered away my time at U-Con doomscrolling.
– Charles J. Cohen, two-time U-Con Chair, Avid Roleplayer
[1] “Why Americans Stopped Falling in Love”, Derek Thompson, accessed 2026 Oct 12, source: https://substack.com/inbox/post/219624041